I spent a week in the hospital. I needed it, badly. I’m not 100%, but I’m better than I was before I went in there. No more suicidal ideations and I actually have some hope for the future. Saw Dennis, I really like that guy. Wish he weren’t married. I love his accent, height and sense of humor. Oh well.

So many things can change now. So many possibilities. I just hope they come true.

I want to go into the hospital. but i’ve got things to do this week. the dentist, shopping etc. I’m gonna give it a week. If things don’t improve, i’m going in before I do something stupid. I think i’m going in later this afternoon. I really can’t take it anymore.

Don’t come around here – Rod Stewart

How do you know when it’s over
How do you know where did it all go wrong

Can I embrace the perfect stranger
How do you know and where did it all go wrong
Cause lately could you tell
I lost the only one
Could you tell

Stoke the funeral
So now it’s just me, myself and I

Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just to see me cryin’ (see me cryin’)
Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just because you can (because you can, yeah, yeah)
Cause you can

How do you find tinsel Motown
How do you find it if it’s the only one

Dear, love is strange the right emotion
How do you find if it’s the only one
Cause lately (lately) could you tell (could you tell)
I lost the only one
Could you tell (could you tell, could you tell)

Stoke the funeral
So now it’s just me, myself and I

Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just to see me cryin’ (see me cryin’)
Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just because you can (because you can, yeah, yeah)

Give me Motown (tinsel Motown, lady)
Tinsel Motown (one emotion maybe)
One emotion (with a perfect stranger)
Tinsel Motown (me, myself and I)

Don’t come around here
Just to see me cryin’
Don’t come around here
Just because you can

Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just to see me cryin’ (see me cryin’)
Please don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just because you can (because you can, yeah, yeah)
Cause you can

Don’t come around here (don’t come around here)
Just to see me cryin’ (see me cryin’)
Please don’t watch me cryin’
Please don’t watch me cryin’, yeah
Cause you can

Don’t come around here
Please don’t come around here
Just to see me cryin’…

why is it so shitty. all i can do it hope. hope for the best, hope for some type of change. that I know isn’t coming. why fight when i know i can give in and leave? I’m no fucking coward. I’m a fighter. Been fighting a long, long, long time. don’t know how long I can keep it up, but I’m gonna try. I am so tired.

my mind is on pins and needles. I feel like I’m losing grasp of things. this anxiety is too much too take. i need a break. i can’t do this anymore. too much pressure. I just wanna scream !!!

Letting go. Letting it go. Forgetting and moving forwards. Trying to overcome this anxiety. Gonna find a way to make things better.

but i’m much better now.

the door mech on my microwave just broke. things are falling apart. it’s a little thing, but pebbles make a mountain.

Things are so flat. I need more sleep. that seems to be the only place I get any satisfaction. Too many problems. Not enough solutions.