depressed
I thought I’d see Dr. G tomorrow. But they got the offices mixed up. Sooo. i have to wait an additional 3 weeks. I’m hoping to get a consult with him over the phone in case he wants me to do some tests etc. So we can get the ball rolling so to speak. I still have to get the ultrasound done for the GYN for the 16th of Feb. UGh.
Wednesday
I see Dr. G. Learn of my fate as far as my DS goes. What is going wrong? What is wrong? I just don’t know. I try, but I still gain. Others lose so easily, for me, it’s a battle.
Just want to be normal for once in my life. Wanna be healthy and want weight to not be an issue for me. I hope he can help me, if not. I don’t know what I will do.
I’ve gone off of two boards with Vet help. Don’t need the drama. It’s really unwanted and I can’t stand the judgement shit that goes on. It’s like a ‘if I can, why can’t you’ bullshit. I have enough difficulties without strangers from the evil empire adding too my shit.
Good decision made on my part. I do need to spend less time on the internet.
Fiber…
Adding more fiber to my diet. Really found out yesterday how much I am lacking. Gonna make some beef&barley stew in the crockpot. I don’t know when, but soon. Until then, I’ll use the fiber powder.
Sometimes
People annoy me. Staying away from that website. Being judged unduly. Don’t like or permit that shit in my life anymore. I have to get offline and live real life.
Finding my way…
Deplin has really made the difference. It’s starting to get cold, so I won’t be going out much to stretch my legs. Hunkering down for the winter, I guess.
Still miss my uncle. it’s weird that he’s no longer here. He was such a presence in my life for so long and now, he’s gone. Everyone is feeling it still.
One hell of a year…
No longer
Does it really matter anymore. Who knows what 5 years will bring me. I’ll be older, but will things remain the same. Will they have improved or diminished. Not sure anymore.
Goodbye
My uncle died last Saturday. It still haunts me. I should have never seen his body. My mind is full of all types of thoughts, I am overwhelmed.
Worried
the police, ambulance and fire dept. are here to get my uncle out of his apt. and to the hospital. He is really sick.
Scared
uncle sick. went to hospital. don’t know why my mind is fixated that he’s gonna die tonight. Maybe it’s my way of coping. I just don’t know. I feel anxious and scared and nervous and all alone. Nothing is right. I’m worried for my mother. I know she’s upset. My brother is very upset also, but he’s terribly weak. Running around the streets like a fool. He seriously needs to grow up. I just want the year to be over, which will bring me closer to my iPad. My treat for all the shit I’ve gone thru this year. Dan will never understand why I want an iPad. It has nothing to do with what everyone else has, it has to do with my need to have something of my own. Something NEW. I am nothing, I feel like nothing, I will never have anything. Grant me this ONE thing. I’m gonna earn it.
